I love you but...

By
Dear Friend,

I love you. I need you to believe that. It's hard to know what love looks like any more so I need you to trust my love no matter what you hear. I also need you to tell me if  I can love you better. I love you but I'm not a mind reader and I'm not perfect - nobody is.

Part of loving you means I care about your health. This virus going around right now - I don't want you to get it and I definitely don't want to give it to you! That's why I don't spend time with you when I'm sick. I love you but I'd rather miss you than make you sick.

I guess a lot of folks can be contagious without being sick. After all, I never hung out with someone who was puking their guts out before I got the flu. I suppose that's true of any virus. But what can I do about that? Should I never see you again, even when I feel healthy, just in case I might have something contagious? Perpetual consensual loneliness isn't love, it's trauma. I can't do that to you. If you need a friend, and I believe I am healthy, I will always be happy to spend time with you. I love you but I will not abandon you.

I know I have a weak immune system so sometimes I have to take extra precautions. I'm not a "germaphobe"and I hate having to turn you down sometimes, but self-care is important too. After all, I can't really be a good friend if I don't take care of myself first. I know that healthy boundaries make me a better friend in the long run. I love you but I'm not able to hang out with you if you're sick.

Maybe you've heard that some folks think we should wear masks at all times in case we are contagious and don't know it. I've thought about that very seriously (like I said, I do not want to make you sick!) but I'm not going to do that. See, this virus can spread even if we do wear masks and wearing masks incorrectly can even increase chances of getting infection. I can't do that and I won't ask you too either. Besides, if we're going to see each other we need to see each other. Your smile, your sadness, your concern, your fear... those are important to me because you are important to me, and I can't see any of it through a mask. I love you but if I think I'm contagious enough to wear a mask then I won't come see you, and I trust you to reciprocate.

This virus is a serious thing. There's no doubt about that. Every virus is serious that's why I will not spend time with you if  I have the slightest indication that I'm sick. And if I get sick after spending time with you, I will never blame you as the possible culprit. I love you but you are not responsible for my health, I am.

One more thing. If we are mutually healthy enough to see each other, I will not "distance" you. I will never agree to see you if we are not healthy enough to hug. I will respect your personal space as much as you want, but I am here for you if you need a hug. I love you but I am not afraid of you.

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